I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
