so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ttyl tear gas
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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