PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
