We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh god it's open bar.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
