I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
