I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
