Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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