Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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