I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im holly from the hills drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
