we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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