I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
