dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
