Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
