I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
