Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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