i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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