he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
