i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize