I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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