Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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