Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
