I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My life is pants optional.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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