someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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