Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
