Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
