It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
