i can't believe i had my finger in that
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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