K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
