Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
