No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
