I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
