A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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