He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
