...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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