i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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