I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
