GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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