she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
