it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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