I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
