I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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