Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
