I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
