I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
