apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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