my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
