apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
