I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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