youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
