She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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