WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i love accidental penises.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
