69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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