Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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