So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
