i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
