Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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