pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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