Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
