I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
