I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
