i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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