We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
