I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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