i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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